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The Blessing
By
Gary Smalley & John Trent, Ph.D.
Intro:
One of the authors starts out with a story of a woman whose dad hadn’t given her his blessing and how that omission had affected her life and the
life of her family.
“If you are denied the blessing, it can not only affect your present, but your future in life as well.”
“It’s hard to enter into a closeness with your spouse and children, if you were denied that in your family as you were growing up.”
The Elements of the Blessing:
· Genesis 27: Story of Jacob and Esau. Blessing for the firstborn.
· Here, the blessing is irretractible.
· Jacob grieved, not because he had lost the inheritance (he had sold that before for a pot of stew); he was grieved because he hadn’t received
the blessing from his dad
What is it like to miss the blessing?
·Three homes that tend to withhold the blessing:
· A home where the blessing is put just out of reach.
· Story of man in psychiatric ward that had tried to kill himself because he had just gotten a “B” in a college class.
· A home where there is marked favoritism.
· Joseph, in the OT is an example of this.
· Story of identical twin of parents who only wanted one child.
· Two losers in this story.
· A home where there are emotional minefields.
· Many of these homes have alcohol abuse in them.
· Outbursts of anger are here.
Four things tend to happen to those individuals who have missed the blessing:
· 1 they tend to get a lost of anger that they carry into the future.
· 2 they tend to have a lot of fear
· 3 they tend to have trouble cleaving to another person in a close relationship.
· 4 they have difficulty relating to our heavenly father.
·Story of boy who mowed yard for dad for father’s day. Did the best he could do. Father ostracizes him for hitting stone with
blade. How does a person see God as loving, caring, patient, etc., when his/her own father has been unloving, untolerant and uncaring.
How can we make sure that we don’t withhold the blessing from our children?
· 5 elements of the blessing as shown in the OT.
· 1. It involves meaningful touch.
· Touch does 14 physical things to the person you touch.
· The touch in the story of the prodigal son means comes close and hug me, not the aunt Ethel hug (patting you on the back), but a good
strong bear hug (like armies falling upon each other in battle).
· Jacob was 40 years old when his dad said come close and kiss me.
· We need to show emotion to our children.
· Touch is so important to emotional stability in a person.
· Story of the son who had a heart attack and his father flew across country to hold his hand for 30 minutes. 3 days later his father
died. The son thanked God for his own heart attack, because he felt that his father never would have given him that blessing of acceptance had it not been for the heart attack.
· 2. It is always verbalized.
· Jesus touched and spoke to the children.
· You must tell your children that they are valuable, closing the loop.
· Dr. Trent tells story of his living with his grandfather and being spanked. Sees his grandfather crying. His grandfather
explains how it hurts to discipline, but he must because he cares.
· Dr. Trent tells of his father, a typical marine who had a heart attack and drove himself to the emergency room. He read to him
Psalm 34 and told his dad that he loved him. His dad said, well, I guess I should say something, but he didn’t.
·3. you must attach something of great value to the person blessed.
· Story of little boy who gives dad $8.53 to spend the day with him. He was asking his father “Daddy, am I of value to you?”
·4. :picture a special future for the person who is blessed.
· Kids tend to be literalists to what their parents say to them.
·” Don’t go to college, you’ll work in a meaningless job anyway.”
· Story of the man in a wheelchair that had two men say “God might use your voice someday”. He went on to be a Christian
radio disc jockey. They gave him a blessing.
·5. :become a student of the child you want to bless.
· Take interest in your child’s work, hobbies, etc.
· Show that you support them in what they want to be recognized for.
Summary:
·if you never got the blessing; you can get it from your heavenly father.
·you can learn to give it even if you never got it.
· It’s never too early and it’s never to late to give the blessing.
· Too early? Dr. Trent and his wife sing a song to each of their children first thing every morning when the child wakes up.
· Too late? Told story of father who knew he would die soon, so he wrote letters to be given to his children upon their graduations from
grade school, high school, college, marriages, etc.; too bless them even though he was not present. It means that much to your children.
How do you rate yourself and giving and receiving the blessing on the following 5 items?
· Do I meaningful touch my loved ones?
· Do I verbally peak words of blessing?
· Am I attaching words of high value to the people that I am blessing?
· Have I pictured a special future for the lives of my loved ones?
· Am I committed to fulfill my words of blessing?
Remember, it is never too early or too late to give the blessing to your loved ones.
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